作者:無名氏
完整校對版(漢軍威武請戒色論壇網友翻譯,特表感謝):
站長,您好!請幫忙用中文翻譯我的邪淫故事,那樣可以讓讀者受益並且不再重複我的錯誤。
我今年28歲,三年前從新加坡的一所頂尖大學畢業。這三年中,我事業無發展並且換了很多次工作。我認為這是由我的邪淫惡業所帶來的報應。
我在2004年遇到了一個已婚女人並且和她發生了性關係。她向我撒謊說她是單身的。但後來我發現實際上她已經結婚了,但她搬出了她的住所並住在一個單元房中,因為她的丈夫不能滿足她的性需求。
我仍然和她保持著性關係一直到2006年為止。她的丈夫請了一個私家偵探來調查我們,最後他們離婚了。我覺得是我的錯誤造成他們離婚的。
隨後,我換了我的手機號碼並且告訴自己不要再和她聯絡。但是在2007年,我見了她一次並和她發生了性關係。我知道我不應該那樣做。
此外,在2007年,我從網路上認識了一個女孩並和她發生了一夜情。我去檢查了HIV並測出是陰性,我很慶幸。
在過去的15年裡我一直看色情的東西並且手淫。我告訴自己停止或減少自慰的頻率。因為我每天晚上要自慰3至4小時。
直到今天,我不自慰的最多天數是5天,在此之後慾望就又會來。
我比大多數男人性慾要高,並且早在我19歲的時候我就習慣去紅燈區找妓女。甚至和妓女發生性關係後,我回家還會自慰。
最近,我從網路上認識了一個人,他帶我去紅燈區。他付70美元讓我和一個中國妓女去旅館做愛。我告訴自己我不應該與她發生關係。因為當我已經有測出HIV為陰性的經歷,我不想再受精神上的折磨再去測試一次HIV。
我給那個妓女錢並且告訴她不用做愛,只要給我按摩就行了。
總之,報應很快來了。幾天后,我在我的陰莖上發現了一個蘑菇形狀的東西(儘管那個女孩沒有碰我的私密處,但我相信這是報應)。
這幾年我善惡業摻雜不斷。善業方面,我自願的去參加葬禮誦經會,放生,助印,禪坐。
惡業方面是我一直在發生不正當的性行為,並且這是最邪惡的。我一直在飽嘗惡業果報,儘管我做了一些善事,可是這好比一個充滿漏洞的杯子(惡業)我卻想要把這杯子裝滿水(善業)。自然杯子總仍是空的。
這幾年,我沒有一份工作是做滿7個月的。我總是遇到不友善的同事和難相處的人。在這三年裡我已經換了10份工作,都總是輸在我的履歷上。所以我請了個家庭老師教了我2年。
今年,我曾經得到一些很好的面試機會,但最後我都沒有去參加。因為我自慰總是直到凌晨4,5點而那時我往往非常累,起不了床。有時候,我會把鬧鐘關了並且不去參加面試。現在已到了非常嚴重的地步了。我恨我自己!
我已經失業有4個月了。而且我的積蓄也沒多少了。我仍然睡的很遲,凌晨4點睡下,在下午2點醒來後又再小睡一會兒到傍晚的6點。我只應徵晚間的工作。當有的公司打電話要我去面試的時候,我的手機總是處於關機狀態。所以我錯過了很多好機會。甚至當我面試時,面試的人要求我等他們的電話通知。我非常累並且懶得聽那些。
曾有一個臨時任務需要我在星期二開始工作,但是第二天我沒有起來工作因為我把鬧鐘關了。而且我沒有告知公司,因為我不知道該怎麼說。我真的希望我可以跟正常人一樣早睡早起去工作。
因一次偶然機會,我來到了你們的網站。看到這裡的許多網友都在遭受邪淫行為帶來的果報折磨,我真的很難過。希望所有人可以不再受其折磨!
衷心希望各位讀者不要重複我的錯誤並能從我的錯誤中學習。
請大家記得這是真的:邪淫會導致一個人有許多敵人(在工作中,遇到許多不友善的同事和敵人);邪淫也會減少一個人的運氣(沒事業);邪淫也會遇不到虔誠信佛學佛的好女孩(這三年中我找不到好的女友,我所接觸的女孩都只是為了性。)
附錄:來信原文
Hi webmaster, pls help to translate my story of sexual misconduct in chinese, so that other readers can all benefit and learn not to repeat my mistake.
I am 28 this year, having graduated from a top university insingapore3 years ago. These 3 years, i have not been able to progress in my career and have been switching many jobs. I believe this is the karmic result of sexual misconduct.
I met a married woman in year 2004 and have sexual relations with her. She had lied to me that she was single but later i found out actually she was married, but she moved out to stay by herself in an unit, as her husband cannot satisfy her sexually.
I still continued my sexual relationship with her till year 2006. Her husband had sent a private investigator to check on us, and eventually they filed for divorce. I felt it was my fault for their divorce.
Subsequently, i changed my handphone number and told myself not to contact her again. But in year 2007, i met her once to have sex. I knew i should not do that.
Also, in year 2007, i met a gal from the internet and had a one night stand with her. I tested negative for HIV laterwards and was glad of that.
I have been watching porn and masturbating for the past 15 years. I told myself to stop or reduce the frequency. I used to masturbate every night for 3 to 4 hours.
Till today, the maximum days i do not masturbate is 5 days, after which the urge will come.
I have a higher sex drive than most men, and i used to go to the red light districts to pay prostitutes for sex when i was just 19 years old. Even after having sex with prostitutes, i will still go home and shou yin.
Recently, i met this guy from the internet and he brought me to the red light district. He paid $70 for me to have paid sex with a china prostitute and i went up the hotel room. I told myself i should not have sex with her as i am tested HIV negative and do not want to go through the mental suffering of getting tested for HIV again.
But i gave the money to the prostitute and told her no need do sex. Do massage for me.
Anyway, retribution come quickly. A few days later, i found out a mushroom like skin attached to my penis( although the girl didnt touch my privates, but i believe this is retribution).
I have been doing good and evil these few years. I have went for voluntary funeral chanting sessions, release animal life in life liberation sessions, print dhamma books, meditation.
The evil i done is sexual misconduct, and that is the most evil of all. I have been tasting the fruits of it. Though i done some good deeds, it's like a cup full of holes(evil deeds) and i am trying to fill the cup with water(good deeds). The cup is still empty.
This few years, i could not stay more than 7 months in a job, always meeting with unfriendly colleagues and difficult people. I have already changed over 10 jobs these 3 years and ended up lying in my resume that i gave private tutoring for 2 years.
This year, i have good interviews for me, but i ended up not going for them as i was very tired after shou yin till 4 to 5 am in the morning. Or sometimes, i will turn off the alarm clock and not go interview. It is very serious now. I hated myself for that.
I have been without a job for 4 months now and my savings are going low. I still sleep late abt 4am in the morning, wake up 2pm and then have a nap again till 6pm. I only apply job at night and when the companies call me for interview, my phone is off. As such, i miss many good opportunities. And even when i attend interview, the interviewers will ask me to wait for their phone call. I am so tired and sick of hearing that.
There was this temp assignment i had started work on tuesday, but the next day i didnt turn up for work as i turned off the alarm clock. I did not inform the company too, as i did not know what to say.
I really hope i can sleep early and wake up early so that i can go work, like other people.
I had come across your website by chance and am glad to see many people here suffering from the karma of sexual misconduct and hope that all can be free of this.
I read that reciting namo guan shi yin pu sha can reduce our sexual desire and i will work on that.
May readers not repeat my mistake and learn from it.
It is indeed true that sexual misconduct will lead one to having many enemies( in work, many unfriendly colleagues and enemies), also reduce one's fortune( no career), also can't meet the right girl who is a practising buddhist(these 3 years can't find the right girlfriend, the girls i meet are all for sex only)
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